Here is a link to my storybook project "Pixie Tales: The Truth About The Pixies"
Pixie Tales: The Imperial Pixies
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Pixies Are The Most Beautiful Creatures
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Friday, August 12, 2016
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My name is Heather Sizemore. I am a political science major. I am a senior at the University of Oklahoma. I am currently studying for the LSAT. This is now my second time ever posting a blog. I am not technology savvy so this should be an interesting experience for me.
Here is a link to my storybook project "Pixie Tales: The Truth About The Pixies"
Pixie Tales: The Imperial Pixies
Here is a link to my storybook project "Pixie Tales: The Truth About The Pixies"
Pixie Tales: The Imperial Pixies
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Hi Heather! I really enjoyed reading some of your posts! I also wanted to say that your background is very relaxing. It definitely helped me enjoy your posts more, not that I needed it because your posts are great, but it gave your blog a comforting feeling and made the reading more relaxing instead of being just for a grade. Can’t wait to read more of your work!
ReplyDeleteHey Heather, me again! I just wanted to say thank you for your comments on my portfolio story. I really liked the comment you made about them being in high school, so you thought the ending was going to include something about them going to prom. I had never really thought about that, but it was a great idea. I guess I was so focused on the original story that I stuck more to that than I did with the modernization of the story. I will definitely watch for that in the future!
ReplyDeleteHeather,
ReplyDeleteI first want to say that I liked the layout of your storybook. It is clean and well organized, it doesn't distract from the reading. I also like how you linked to things like the Dolmen in Wikipedia, because I truly had no idea what a Dolmen was. It made your introduction very informative, and greatly increased my understanding of what was happening in your story. Finally, the last thing I really appreciated about your introduction was how you gave a quick blurb about each of the stories in your storybook.
As far as your actual stories are concerned, I like how each one mostly stood alone from the other stories, but shared similar themes and background. I also like how they delivered a clear moral lesson at the end.
Thanks so much for sharing. I really enjoyed it. Good luck with finishing your storybook, and with the rest of the upcoming semester.
Andrew
First off, I love how you used the same image to link the homepage of your storybook to your comment wall here; it’s a small detail with a big impact, and connects your different corners of the internet really nicely.
ReplyDeleteAs for your storybook itself, the way you linked to articles with further reading for some of the mythology-heavy terms was a very helpful touch, and the fact that you split the pages into two columns broke up some of the space and made the page seem more approachable, if that makes any sense. I enjoyed your take on the “Pixie Picket” story, especially once I read your author’s note explaining the original—my only suggestion is that you consider opening with the second paragraph instead. Because that’s where the action starts, it’s more engaging, and I think you could find a way to slip the important bits of the first paragraph into the rest of the narrative a little more naturally.
Ultimately, I really enjoyed the stories you’ve done so far—especially your take on “The Silver Bell.” Even beyond the pixies, it’s quite interesting to see the relationship between the British and the Romans, especially against this fantasy backdrop. It looks like you’re off to a strong start with your storybook, and I hope you have fun with your last story.
I enjoy the style you’re using to tell this. At first I was a bit thrown off by your tone. It seemed to be less in the style of a story, and more like a history, and that confused me. However, as I continued reading, I enjoyed it more and more. The tone that you’ve set makes your stories sound more believable, like these are actual accounts of some forgotten history. It reminds me of the tone of various myths and legends where it’s clear that the narrator takes the account very seriously.
ReplyDeleteI have a slight suggestion about your final paragraph. In it, you briefly summarize your stories, in order to draw the reader in. However, this made it so when I read your first story, I very much knew what to expect. Is there a way you can lead a reader forward while still maintaining an aura of mystery about what might be coming next? You don’t even necessarily need a whole paragraph to do it. A sentence or two may suffice.
Overall, these are definitely stories I would be interested to keep reading!
I loved this first story. My main point of criticism is that the last paragraph felt just a bit rushed. I think you could draw out the ending of the story a bit more by adding some description. It was almost a little dry. I think the whole story would benefit from having maybe one or two more paragraphs. I’d like to hear a bit more about Cassius’s motivations or his emotions. The story has good information in it but needs just a bit of extra spark to get me invested in it. I’d also like to know just how you survived without eating if she had to give away her 7 crumbs of bread. Did the pixies help her out? Did she survive on found scraps? Besides all this, I really like how you added Wikipedia links to unfamiliar words though. That’s super helpful and not something I see people do very often.
ReplyDeleteHi again Heather! This is a wonderful choice of topics. Probably, most people know a little bit about pixies without knowing enough to know what to expect in the stories, which is the best place to be. I also think you should know that I think that you did an excellent job with your name choices, which is always a good thing.
ReplyDeleteI have a small thing to mention from the introduction. I was curious as to what dolmens are, so I went ahead and clicked on the link, but the Wikipedia link told me that it was type of clothing, which I don’t think is what you’re going for. (It's a great idea to have the links, though.) Also, be careful. You go back and forth between spelling it “dolmen” and “dolman”.
One more stylistic thing: I might just have too small of a vocabulary, but I don’t understand the second sentence in the story. What is ‘follided’, and is there a noun?
I’m also left with some questions. If she’s kind of her husband’s spoil of war, why is he actively hoping she’ll die? I understand not providing for her, but I don’t understand his motive for actively wishing her ill. Also, why can’t she just leave? Is she that far from home?
I am so glad that you provided this feedback. The link had been updated at one point but for some reason the new link did not save. The word that you asked about was actually a typo. The other day I realized the story had extra writing at the end of it. I'm not sure how the words moved from the beginning of my story to the end. thankfully I had the story backed up on my computer. The odd word was created because words were missing and two partial words were pushed together. I am really glad you brought this to my attention. As for why Cassius would want to see Aurelia die...he was a cruel Roman general. he only married her because the Emperor Claudius made him. He wanted to sleep with her and be done with her.
DeleteHi Heather,
ReplyDeleteI think you chose a really cool theme to write you storybook about. I do not know much about the lore of pixies and I am super excited to learn a bit as I read your stories. Honestly, I am kind of intimidated that you already have so many stories in your storybook.
I really like how at the end of your introduction, you have very short summaries of each story to give the reader something to expect as they continue to read. I do sort of agree with Maria though. While I liked the short summaries, you took away the mystery and excitement of the stories.
I noticed one grammar error in your introduction. In the second paragraph, 7th sentence. I think you are missing "is" at the very beginning.
I look forward to reading some of your stories!
It's me again Heather, I will probably comment on all your stories.
ReplyDeleteI am so pleased that you changed the ending of this story. Though like my previous comment, I felt like I knew what was coming. This is also more of a preference, but I felt that having the Author's note and image on the left column invites the eyes and made me read the note first before the actual story which further took away from the mystery and surprise that you added.
I also noticed that you also said that "He [Cassius] hoped to find himself a widow only to find more mouths to feed." - In this case, Cassius would have hoped to find himself a WIDOWER rather than a WIDOW.
I am also confused as to why Cassius never killed Aurelia. While it was a prearranged marriage by the emperor, it makes no sense why he put up with her. His dislike and complacency towards her seemed to be more torturous than it would have been if he had just killed her from the beginning.
"Fallen Flowers"
ReplyDeleteI really liked this story and the detail put into the beginning of it. It really helped me to understand the importance of the River Ouse to the British population and what negative effects the new laws put into place by the Roman Empire had on the population. My major complaint about the story is that you spend so much time during the build up that I feel that the actual climax and resolution of the story are rushed. Maybe if you could incorporate part of that initial story build up into the Author's note you could spend more time adding detail to the end of the story.
I know I said this in my previous comment too, but I ended up reading the Author's note before I read that actual story because of its location on the page. It is standard in English to read least to right so the location of the note to me is an issue since it gives away so much detail about the story.
You are also missing a few helping verbs. In the second paragraph, last sentence, I think you are missing "were" in "Those caught (were) hung by their necks in the gallows, but the..."
Heather,
ReplyDeleteYour opening page is beautiful. It really sets the tone for your site. Reading your introduction really got me interested in the story. I loved the links provided so we could figure out what those things were without you having to explain each individual one. One quick thing I saw in there was on word italicized "basket" this didn't have a link attached to it so I'm not quick sure why it was italicized.
I loved your first story and your Photos. I didn't have a problem with reading your authors notes first. But a suggestion, if you could figure out a way to place aline in between your story and the authors notes that might help. You could even just push the author's notes down a couple spaces. This may help with this problem.
You may also think about placing the title over the actual story, if you are wanting the readers to read the story before the author's note.
But over all very well done.
Hi Heather,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all I have to admit that your storybook has a very nice layout, everything looks amazing! Even the resolution of the picture is actually pretty well. However, the only thing that looked a little bit confusing was the location of the author’s note. I believe that it should not be there because its content spoils the story somehow, I think it would be better having it on the bottom of your story. Furthermore, the story is very captivating as you describe very well the effects of the Roman Empire on the British population. Honestly, I had no clue what was even a Pixie and I had to research a little bit to understand even more. Overall, I really believe that you did a great job with your story and I think level of vocabulary is very good as well. Thanks for sharing and I look forward to your future stories.
Ooo, I love the photo at the very beginning. I have a soft spot for pixies and I cannot believe I’m just now reading your stories! I think your set up your introduction perfectly. It gives a better understanding of the world of pixies and also gives us a glimpse of what to expect in your stories. Great job! I also like how we get a little bit of history at the beginning of “Aurelia’s Gifts”, it really sets the scene perfectly. Which is important with something so ancient. Cassius is absolutely evil! What could have been a heartbreaking tragedy became a happy ending. Boy, am I grateful for that! I really don’t have anything negative to say about your introduction or your first story, they seemed to be edited and written really well. The only thing I would say is that ending felt a little rushed. I would have liked to see more despair and from the mother and a deeper understanding of the fathers hatred. Other than that, excellente!
ReplyDeleteHi Heather,
ReplyDeleteFirstly, I'd just like to say that I really enjoyed and appriecated the layout of your storybook pages thus far. The pictures, background, and overall aesthetic mood you chose immediately put me in the right mindset to buckle in for your stories.
As for introduction, it was one of the best I have read thus far. You were clear and concise but still gave wonderful detail about the world of fairies the reader was about to dive into. It also was a great teaser for the stories to come; I do not think I have clicked on the next page any faster than I did for yours.
Your first story was lovely, I found myself going on a rollercoaster with the characters. My favorite was probably Cassius. It is really hard to write an evil character "correctly" but you achieved it in Cassius so kudos!
I do not have any real complaints about your storybook thus far! It is definitely one of my favorites and I will probably be back just to follow along with your interesting story! Thanks for your writing and great job so far!
Belle
Hi Heather!
ReplyDeleteI like the images you use throughout. It really sets the tone for your stories. They are very interesting and majestic. I also like the way that you have the story on one side and the images and the author’s note. It is very different and a cool idea. You did a really good job setting the stage with all of the background you gave in the introduction. I like how you kept your background a plain color. I think the images stand out more than they would have if you had a more intricate background. I like how all of the images seem to connect to each other. I’m not sure if you meant to do this but on your story “The Silver Bell,” you have two different fonts (or colors) for the story and the author’s note. The only other thing that I would suggest is to add more descriptions that create a better image in the reader’s mind. Overall, really great job! I enjoyed reading your stories.
Your layout is new and interesting to me. I did not realize that it could be done. You were very creative and thorough in your stories. The way you added some background to each story really helped me understand the rest of the story. After reading your stories, I liked how you kept the magical aspect of the original stories. Also, the pictures made the stories more magical and pretty.
ReplyDeleteThe little details you added really helped the story. For example, in the Fallen Flowers, the flowers fell to the ground. I can easily imagine the scene in a film. In the film, I would imagine that the flowers would fall on the ground in slow motion. Although I did not read it in slow motion, it had that impact for me.
I would not have thought that you would add a story about revenge, but showed me that pixies were capable of all kinds of things and not just nice things.
In the author’s note in Act of Revenge, there was a mistake in a sentence. “The pixies are rumored to look act like little demons.” Then, slaves should be slaves’ in “When the Roman soldiers saw the slaves fear they beat them into submission.”